[Miserably assessing all of the possibilities raised by this response, and then miserably letting the tide of words wash over him, Salvio first says,]
Yes, [and then,] oh--
[Ham? Oh. The plate, again. His hand obeys before his mind has caught up, and before he can think better of it, or wave off the command, he has a bit of ham in his hand, and he is putting it in his mouth.]
Very good. Yes. [Not that he's tasting much at present.] Poppell, the, um.
[He sniffles, and rubs a hand over his face. It is the dust, and nothing more.]
Candor. Can it be. Taught? That is to say, if I say it... baldly, it will--
[And then somewhat out of nowhere--] I never wanted to be the seneschal, you know.
[Has the ham made him brainsick? Perhaps. For strength, or perhaps to be double sure, Salvio reaches for another piece, and shoves it in his mouth to shut himself up, lest he show any more of his ass.
Metaphorically. Maker forbid any other-- just, no.]
[He reminds her strangely of someone else just then, though she can't quite put her finger on who it might be. Maybe he seems like a magician she had known only in passing at Somerset, or maybe she is thinking of her cousin Albert and how uneasy he'd been to see her turned loose at the mercy of a strange institution. Or maybe it is simply some sympathy pain, or a sharp flare of anxiety that looking at him inspires. How much different things will soon be? And how comfortable she has been even in this strange place at the margin of a very great war, and how much of that will soon be gone forever if even Messere Pizzicagnolo (who Myr himself had said was some breed of Loyalist) is so concerned?
Whatever the reason, a terrible homesickness strikes her. She holds it there for a moment high in her chest, then expells it forcefully with one great exhale.
All right. It's fine. Let's think of something brighter, shall we?]
And yet here you are, doing a perfectly fine job of it. Do you not enjoy any part of the work?
[Salvio, no stranger to huge sighs, takes another bite of the ham without comment, and chews at it. He breaks his own silence with a gloomy laugh.
Fine. Yes.]
A kind assessment. The work gets done, and that is 'fine'. As to the work, I--
[Well. With the bitten piece of ham, he gestures back over his shoulder, toward his desk, and the files, and cupboards, and the great towers of paperwork and folios that stand like miniature and narrow mountains.]
I like paperwork. Order. The, um. No--I would not complain, of course, and the Inquisition has the need, and it was a title that was-- That is, before, I was assistant to the seneschal. For--quite a few years. So the appointment was natural, and I would not complain of it.
A certain forthrightness. Is expected. I think. Leadership, limited leadership, and--well, I would sooner be left alone. To work. This is all, ah, nothing at all--forgive me, I am-- The news has left me in confusion. This is nothing we need continue to speak of, I should--draft some, something that will be said.
Nonsense. Anyone would need time to arrange their thoughts. Best to help me finish the contents of this plate first. Besides, you will be doing me a favor. Otherwise I'll either be forced to return this half eaten and face the wrath of the kitchen staff, or be forced toss it from a window to avoid being scolded. Either would be a terrible waste, and one would be very cruel indeed.
[She fixes him with a wounded, pitiable look. Do these hands look like they can wash dishes to you? Scrub floors? Just look at her. She can't afford to do penance in a kitchen, Salvio.]
[Salvio pulls up short in his protestation. He scans for some sort of scam--the wounded look nearly pushes him over to the side of being fucked with--but then he settles on the side of no scam.]
Waste is a terrible... I mean to say, I would not. The budget.
[A man heavy with responsibility, he reaches for another piece of cheese.]
But I am-- I fear I have no more to say. On-- much of it. Unless you should like to be seneschal.
[Ah. No. Once he's said it, he realizes his mistake. In horror, Salvio nearly drops the piece of cheese, and looks hastily to Wysteria's face.]
Fear not. My penmanship is far too grim; I would be fired immediately. Your position is secure, messere. But I thoroughly appreciate the vote of confidence, and may use you as a reference should I ever feel compelled to get myself a legitimate bit of work in the Inquisition's ranks.
Well. If you were to-- improve your penmanship. Perhaps.
[That one is not a joke. Salvio takes a bite of the cheese, to stop himself from saying anything more. Such thoughts are better left to be recorded elsewhere, out of sight.]
Seneschal Casoferrazza was a--clever man. He knew a great deal. I had worked with him in Antiva City--and then at Suledin Keep, when he was transferred--and then Skyhold, and then Kirkwell. Before his, his departure, he was... He did his best. Certainly. With the circumstances.
[He points, to a dark corner of the room, where two cupboards nearly meet at the corner's angle.]
His files are just there. We are nearly prepared to sort them.
[She twists in her seat to follow the line of his arm and makes a small noise of surprise.] Oh! I had no idea he had been here so recently! Everyone talks as if you've had the position for ages and ages! Why, you must have only just begun before I arrived if there's still so much to go through.
In which case-- surely it is only natural to have doubts. So much has changed since then.
[She swivels back, fetching up a piece of cheese and only just thinking to ask--] Is there a reason you didn't go with Messere Casoferrazza when he left this time? [--before eagerly stuffing it into her mouth.]
Well. [Somewhat dispirited, Salvio lets his arm drop.] It is-- There is much, to go through. Though it is-- difficult, of course, to understand the full scope, of-- what the organization of another's file requires.
["Just" begun. Salvio nibbles a bit more cheese to console himself. Filing is something he is good at. There is no doubt there.
The sudden question takes him the smallest bit off his guard, and he nearly bites his own finger instead of the cheese.]
Ah-- well, my duty was here. With the Inquisition, in Kirkwall. Support was needed, and I would not--abandon, my position. Even if it were allowed, which it was not. Is not. The Inquisition is--more organized, than that. I suppose there might be a request, to be transferred. I would not make it.
[She, in turn, seems genuinely surprised by the answer - and then roundly embarrassed by her own surprise.] Oh. Of course. I didn't even think of-- yes, naturally. A reassignment would have to be made through Skyhold. That makes sense. I sometimes forget-- well, no. Never mind. What a silly thing to have asked. You must forgive me.
[Hurrying right along in the effort to put as much distance herself from being surprised by something so basic a would-be military organization splitting people up, she veers in a direction that could only be called 'rambling':] I might have been in the same position, you know. Where I come from. If you believe that sort of thing, I mean. Evidently it's a matter of some dispute.
[Wysteria wiggles her left hand for emphasis, the sickly green of the shard embedded there a mute pulsing glow.]
After my examinations, I would have been assigned to a position and had very little choice in the matter. Which would have been fine, of course. I wouldn't have joined the college if I hadn't been intrigued by the possibility. After all, there was always the slight hope that I might find myself doing something I found really very interesting. But I'm not sure I believe it. In retrospect, you know. It's far more likely that I'd have found myself down in Blackmarket Garden weaving encha--er-- uniforms? F-for the infantry abroad and so on. But I'm very handy with a [ugh, what a stupid substitute to have picked] needle and thread, so I suppose it could have been tolerated even if I don't care a whit for...
[She trails off, as if even she's grown tired of herself. And then all at once, as if something has occurred to her or she's been struck by something sharp, her scattered attention sharpens. Something in her becomes suddenly very direct, very purposeful.]
Is there something you would very much prefer to do? If you could pick anything at all? It doesn't matter if it has to do with the Inquisition or not.
[Think nothing of it would be more or less the mumbled protest that Salvio would make, except Wysteria careens forward--so he ends up with a mush-mouthed Thi, ah, before he finds himself listening to her story.
Listening is much easier. There is little passivity about the way that Salvio goes about it--not in any sort of exaggerated way. a simple attentiveness. He is used to listening, and making notes while he does it. If there were a bit of parchment and some ink nearby, he might start in on it, despite the topic. Certainly his fingers twitch, and he takes up instead another piece of ham, which he inadvertently holds like a pen for a moment before he realizes and switches it--which distracts him, a little, from the peculiar hesitations that begin to pepper Wysteria's chatter, and it's not until he's thought that he should ask her to clarify how one weaves a uniform that he realizes she has faltered, which strikes him as unusual for her. In that trail off, he begins to gather himself, to prompt her with a yes or a what was it that you could have tolerated but not cared for, or similar polite inquiry--
Then she stabs at him with the next question instead and takes the wind from Salvio entirely.]
Oh--
[--A poor response that startles out of him. He puts the ham in his mouth.]
Um, [chewing, chewing, why did he put ham in his mouth, chewing,] that is, ah, I-- I suppose it would be. Assistant to the seneschal. Or--similar. That is what I know, so... that is what I would do.
[A little pause, but leaving any space to be filled in seems unwise, given how quickly Wysteria had moved to occupy the previous silence, so--]
And, um. Yourself? Poppell? Though, I suppose you must have, um-- chosen something else, if you did not... Well, if you were not assigned. To that position. Or had you not completed these--examinations, before you--
[He doesn't want her to wiggle her left hand at him again, but Salvio takes the risk and gives it a little nod. That.]
[It's a fair question - and one that makes perfect sense given everything else. That doesn't stop her from hating it a little though.]
Oh, no. I'd only been studying for a very short while. It usually takes almost ten years before an examination is done, although I suspect that has more to do with the age of the average candidate than anything. There's no firm requirement for time. Mr Ralston - er, my teacher -, he could have booked my examinations at any point, I suppose. Though, it will be terrible to send along an apprentice too early and have them fumble their tests. But then again, holding them back is just as embarrassing - no one wants to have the same apprentice for fifteen years. It might say something poorly about the education you're providing, and so on. I can only assume it's a very delicate thing. Not that it matters now, but I was an unusually old apprentice.
[All of which gets absolutely nowhere near the real heart of the question to hand. Because-- Because...--
Anyway, the last piece of cheese has found it's way to her lips and she pauses here to nibble on it.]
But you know, [she says at last] I don't know what I would have picked, given the option. I hardly know what I'd pick to do now. --Not that I don't enjoy helping about, of course! And I do enjoy the little things the Provost assigns. And the Chantry Relations project has been very educational. And there is so very much to read and all of it is interesting and there are a great many things that I'm very curious about, but-- [She stuffs the rest of the cheese in her mouth, speaking from behind the shield of her hand.]
Well I think it's very nice that you know what you enjoy, Messere Pizzicagnolo. I imagine in a way that it must be a great comfort.
[It is difficult to get a word in between all that Wysteria has to say. An avid conversationalist would feel nothing but frustration here. Salvio has no such interest, and at best manages small sounds of interest like hm and ah, to indicate that he is listening.
But again, he is listening, and trying to create for himself a picture of Poppell's world. Examinations, apprenticeships--they have pseudo-similar equivalents, in Salvio's world. He would have done anything both to never have his Harrowing and to have his Harrowing done with. Far preferable was the work to prove himself capable of his position with the seneschal.
In fact Salvio still there in his mind when she finishes speaking at last, and, somewhat thoughtful, he offers,] If it means sounder preparation, there should be no-- embarrassment, associated with age.
[Oh, wait, she's somewhat moved on, and he hurries to put himself through the rest of what she'd said.]
Well-- it is work that I enjoy, chiefly. The, um. Organization, the dependability. That is to say, if there were another position, that might offer that same--structure, and, all the rest of it--and if it were a suitable time, to be released from uh, from service-- [He shrugs, more of an upward slump to his shoulders.] There is little else that I might do, that would provide it. Fortunately. Or--um, perhaps that isn't the word. But similar.
The thought of the choice being open. It is-- terrifying, in its way. I feel that is not often understood. I would say that it-- [He hesitates, but why the fuck not, really; this night is all upside-down.] A personal opinion. And do not mistake--I mean, I do not often think of you, outside of the work of the Inquisition, so--do not read this as a, as any sort of, imposition, but--it does surprise me to hear that you share this thought.
[And having shared this personal opinion, Salvio puts another piece of cheese into his mouth, too. For protection. They have made quite good progress on the plate.]
[She blinks, seeming to take a moment to sort through... well, he has a way of pointing the conversation in many different directions all at once and then treading between them in a way that sometimes makes the real thrust of the point difficult to grasp, doesn't he? But eventually, having discarded the bits about who thinks about whom, in what rate or capacity, being not entirely sure if its a compliment or an insult or something between both, Wysteria lands on:]
Does it? Good lord, I can't imagine why.
[Indeed, so great is her bafflement that she doesn't even have anything long winded to follow with.]
[--Somewhat weakly. Now he has to go into detail. And it is difficult to remain firm on the point of 'I have thought of you only professionally', if details are required--even though it is true--
Salvio swallows. Gathers his courage.]
Well. Um. It was only within the context of, of your position, within the Inquisition. Um. And--presumptuous, even then, somewhat. But you do not seem, ever, to be--terrified. Or to second-guess. Your, presence, is quite self-assured.
[Here, she laughs as if he's said something very funny indeed, followed by a loud 'Ha!' meant for someone almost certainly nowhere near this room. She follows both with shoving another piece of cheese into her mouth.]
Well, I'm very glad to hear it - particularly in a sense which is so strictly professional. But you know, I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case for lots of people. I expect that's part of why there is so much conversation about fair treatment and what's to be done after the war as if we've already won it, and even all this business with the Divine - I imagine a great many people are frightened and just good at pretending not to be. Or maybe simply don't realize that they are.
It seems - and you must excuse me for being ignorant; I've done all kinds of reading, but there's far too much - like a great many things are changing and everyone who knew what they were supposed to do or how they were meant to do it have suddenly found themselves flush with the need to make brand new decisions and so on. I imagine that would make anyone argumentative. Why, I can hardly choose what to wear in the morning without bickering with myself about it first!
[Wysteria, you're rambling. But how can she help it! It was a very fine compliment he'd given her.]
Which is all only to say that no one has any idea what they're doing, I don't think. So knowing what it feels like to feel ill-equipped seems... --hold on, I've come at this the wrong way around. What I mean is that anyone who with nerves is someone who has cared to think about things a bit. And that seems good, particularly in a person with a job to do.
[A pause. She squints first at the ceiling, and then at him.]
--Did any of that make sense whatsoever? It was meant to be encouraging.
[It was a great deal said, if nothing else. So many parts of it raise alarms in Salvio, or confusion, or simple contemplation. He cannot sympathize a bit with choosing what he would wear. The solution to that conundrum is simple: have less clothes to choose from. Plainer clothes. Robes. Utilitarian only, to keep covered, to keep warm in the winter and cool in the summer.
But clothes aren't the true topic, only a distraction. It is the need to make brand new decisions that strikes in Salvio most particularly. He is still thinking of the terrifying truth at this when he realizes that Wysteria has wound up her response and is looking at him in a sort of thoughtful but calculating way that reminds Salvio altogether too much of Enchanter Guardiola, who he has not had cause to recall in years.
It is very disturbing.]
Wha, ah. Well. I would not-- Uh, I would not call you ignorant. Certainly. It is not particularly germane, to the rest of it, but--
[But it saves him from asking what he keeps spiraling back to, as he considers her eventual point, all that she has said. There is really nothing else but to ask it--]
Does it comfort you, to think that so many people are frightened but pretending not to be? That... I prefer to come to, uh, a situation. A problem. I prefer to come equipped. To say only that it is good to care, about something, to have nerves-- [Well. A ghost of a smile flicks across his face, self-deprecating but no less amused.] --I am nervous. That is true.
It does not... feel enough. In a time of change. As you have observed, rightly, we are in.
[She starts, and then stops herself. It's a good question and warrants some real consideration rather than simply rattling off an answer. Think before you do things, Wysteria. You must measure your responses with logic and fact and education, not simply leap guided by intuition or feeling, says some voice who less and less sounds like anyone in Kalvad and more and more like-- well, someone else. Herself, maybe, though it's a difficult thing to recognize. She's never spent much time at all thinking at herself rather than simply talking out loud about it.
Eventually, her hands having at some point during her contemplation assumed the action of twisting the silver ring on her forefinger around and around, she says:]
Yes, I think I do. Find it a comfort. I can see why someone wouldn't - that the idea people like the Provost and Enchanter Amsel and all the leadership at Skyhold and maybe even whoever is picked to be Divine might be worried about their decisions the same as I am could just be horrible because, really, what do I know? But if they weren't just like that, - if they weren't frightened by anything, or if they were somehow more perfect or more suitable for their task than anyone else in the whole world... well, it would make something terrible happening to them that much more awful, wouldn't it? Because then they're very irreplaceable.
But I mean, the Herald died. And yet here we are with her, dealing with the rifts and fighting the war she would have probably led. And even Andraste was meant to just have been a person. And no, maybe it isn't good enough to just be nervous or to just know that everyone else is just as beside themselves as the person, er--, beside them. But I do think it's good to know that the bar - that is, that the standard of effectiveness and what any old person can do if they're very determined - isn't actually placed very far up at all. It makes trying seem useful. And I suppose it makes things like, I don't know, the battle at Ghislain going so terribly or even the poor Grand Cleric Agathe's death seem less devastating.
Not that-- [Wysteria hurries to add, growing very red in the face out of mortification] --not that it isn't terrible. It's very sad. And just awful for all kinds of reasons. Obviously. Uh. Here, [she pushes the plate to him] you should have the last piece of cheese.
[Salvio, accustomed to obeying orders, immediately takes the last piece of cheese from the plate. It's halfway to his mouth when he realizes, marks it for a potential rudeness--but she did tell him that he should have it--so then he decides to just go ahead and eat the cheese.
It does buy him another moment. Of course he could never hope to match Wysteria's conversation. She is like a dwarven wind-up toy in that respect, and her energy seems boundless--which is what has made it so remarkable when her words flag or slow in any way. If it were all written down, one might be able to make a study, to understand what it is that she says beneath all the rest of it. Not Salvio, probably. He is not good with that sort of analysis. But someone.
Once he has finished that bit of cheese, he can at last respond.]
I suppose-- There is a measure of truth in it, when... when it is put in such a way. Though the, um. The stories of the Herald have not carried much inspiration, for me, I am much-- much too myself, for that. But Andraste's, uh, personhood, has--is, or was, but it still is, in much--a comfort. That such a person might find the Maker's favor, so very--
Not that-- [Hurriedly, much like Wysteria, in that.] --I would not want such--such scrutiny, myself. Such divine scrutiny. Or any scrutiny, really, and I think that is much the problem of it, that-- to be so, um, elevated, so trusted, with this level of thought, and--responsibility--
[He gestures, helplessly. And at nothing, really, and rather like a drowning man trying to hail weakly for rescue.]
You have said that you have made a study, and read books of Thedas, and history. I was never particularly a student of history, but. A book of history is closed. It has happened. Never did I want to live in history. Or to be an interesting person. I think that I... often feel alone. In that feeling.
And I do not mean to, um. To separate you out, or call any attention, in particular, to-- well, but. I cannot imagine what it is to be a rifter and to find yourself within this-- [He grimaces, a little.] --well, this shit. A history that has only just begun to have something to do with you. Not of your will.
It's-- well strange is rather an understatement, isn't it? [She admits, tapping out an absent and restless little rythmn at the edge of the desk with only her forefingers.] But you know, I don't really mind the shit part. You know, the war business and all the arguing and so on. I know I should and Mr Rutyer has said a hundred times that it matters and of course he's right. Though, oh! Please don't ever mention to him that I said so. But all that is-- well, it's very easy to be academic about things that are new, I suppose.
No, if there is a thing that bothers me then it's entirely in-- [Here, a pause. Then:] You know, I don't know that I'd even be able to explain it. In the things that should be the same but aren't. Is that normal, do you think? It must be.
[Tap-a, tap-a drum her fingers against the wood once or twice more before she forces herself to stop.]
Oh look. I see we've done our due diligence now. [She moves to collect the plate, empty now save for crumbs.] Thank you for all your assistance with it, Seneschal.
[Mention anything to Rutyer, but then she moves on--]
Um, entirely in the-- What was the, um. Uh, I wouldn't--
[Know if it is normal or not, because he doesn't quite know what she's asking him to confirm, and then there's the plate, as empty and blank-faced as one of the moons, if the moons were blank save for a light dusting of cheese crumbs. Salvio looks down it, in some bewilderment.]
Yes. You are... [so confusing] You are welcome, Poppell. Um. Though, I don't-- Well. Yes. Um, and-- thank, you. As well. In return.
Oh, nonsense. There is nothing at all to thank me for. Speaking in very tech ical term, I've done nothing at all except delay you. [In a flurry of skirts and crumbs and her general impression, Wysteria rises from the seat with the plate in her possession. She tucks it smartly under one arm - smartly in the sense that it looks very jaunty indeed there; less so in the sense that it scatters crumbs in every conceivable direction.]
But, should you actually need help - with the filing or the sorting or sifting through the the box of complaints to weed out the nonsense or any of that -, then you should know I'm surprisingly rather good at all that. It's practically all Mr Ralston had me do, you know. --Not that you would. Know. Since you don't know him or-- [Spirits, his conversational affliction is awfully contagious. She's been here too long.] Anyway. If you find yourself at loose ends and in need of a spare pair of hands or a plate of cheese, I'm certain I can rearrange my very busy schedule to provide either.
[Ha ha, isn't she just the picture of wit and charm.]
[Salvio's chest tightens as crumbs scatter across the floor. He is, against all odds, feeling a measure better than when he had started this conversation with Poppell. His legs are still a little too weak to support him--certainly too weak to dash over and begin cleaning up the crumbs, as he truly in his soul wants to--but all the same.
He blinks, somewhat bewildered by all the rest that she has to say. As usual.]
Oh, um. If you have experience. In... in filing. There is always, well, work, to be done. Particularly for the experienced. Um, I will-- Yes. Perhaps. Later. Uh, so, that is, no, nothing else, for the moment.
Only. Uh. [He swallows, hard, but manages to get out,] Th, uh, thank you.
[Okay, that's all. That's it. He flaps a hand in Wysteria's direction, without looking at her, more panicked than dismissive.]
You're very welcome. [She flashes him a very bright and very sudden smile.] And thank you - for thinking of me, I suppose. In a professional capacity, obviously.
[And what more is there to say really. So Wysteria gives him a last nod and then sweeps from the room. She leaves the door fully open behind her, only to double back a moment later--] Sorry, sorry. Good luck. You'll do spectacularly. Good bye! [--to pull it shut.]
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no subject
Yes, [and then,] oh--
[Ham? Oh. The plate, again. His hand obeys before his mind has caught up, and before he can think better of it, or wave off the command, he has a bit of ham in his hand, and he is putting it in his mouth.]
Very good. Yes. [Not that he's tasting much at present.] Poppell, the, um.
[He sniffles, and rubs a hand over his face. It is the dust, and nothing more.]
Candor. Can it be. Taught? That is to say, if I say it... baldly, it will--
[And then somewhat out of nowhere--] I never wanted to be the seneschal, you know.
[Has the ham made him brainsick? Perhaps. For strength, or perhaps to be double sure, Salvio reaches for another piece, and shoves it in his mouth to shut himself up, lest he show any more of his ass.
Metaphorically. Maker forbid any other-- just, no.]
no subject
Whatever the reason, a terrible homesickness strikes her. She holds it there for a moment high in her chest, then expells it forcefully with one great exhale.
All right. It's fine. Let's think of something brighter, shall we?]
And yet here you are, doing a perfectly fine job of it. Do you not enjoy any part of the work?
no subject
Fine. Yes.]
A kind assessment. The work gets done, and that is 'fine'. As to the work, I--
[Well. With the bitten piece of ham, he gestures back over his shoulder, toward his desk, and the files, and cupboards, and the great towers of paperwork and folios that stand like miniature and narrow mountains.]
I like paperwork. Order. The, um. No--I would not complain, of course, and the Inquisition has the need, and it was a title that was-- That is, before, I was assistant to the seneschal. For--quite a few years. So the appointment was natural, and I would not complain of it.
A certain forthrightness. Is expected. I think. Leadership, limited leadership, and--well, I would sooner be left alone. To work. This is all, ah, nothing at all--forgive me, I am-- The news has left me in confusion. This is nothing we need continue to speak of, I should--draft some, something that will be said.
no subject
[She fixes him with a wounded, pitiable look. Do these hands look like they can wash dishes to you? Scrub floors? Just look at her. She can't afford to do penance in a kitchen, Salvio.]
no subject
Waste is a terrible... I mean to say, I would not. The budget.
[A man heavy with responsibility, he reaches for another piece of cheese.]
But I am-- I fear I have no more to say. On-- much of it. Unless you should like to be seneschal.
[Ah. No. Once he's said it, he realizes his mistake. In horror, Salvio nearly drops the piece of cheese, and looks hastily to Wysteria's face.]
A joke. I am-- A joke.
no subject
[Maybe that's a joke too. Who can say.]
The seneschal before you. What was he like?
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[That one is not a joke. Salvio takes a bite of the cheese, to stop himself from saying anything more. Such thoughts are better left to be recorded elsewhere, out of sight.]
Seneschal Casoferrazza was a--clever man. He knew a great deal. I had worked with him in Antiva City--and then at Suledin Keep, when he was transferred--and then Skyhold, and then Kirkwell. Before his, his departure, he was... He did his best. Certainly. With the circumstances.
[He points, to a dark corner of the room, where two cupboards nearly meet at the corner's angle.]
His files are just there. We are nearly prepared to sort them.
no subject
In which case-- surely it is only natural to have doubts. So much has changed since then.
[She swivels back, fetching up a piece of cheese and only just thinking to ask--] Is there a reason you didn't go with Messere Casoferrazza when he left this time? [--before eagerly stuffing it into her mouth.]
no subject
["Just" begun. Salvio nibbles a bit more cheese to console himself. Filing is something he is good at. There is no doubt there.
The sudden question takes him the smallest bit off his guard, and he nearly bites his own finger instead of the cheese.]
Ah-- well, my duty was here. With the Inquisition, in Kirkwall. Support was needed, and I would not--abandon, my position. Even if it were allowed, which it was not. Is not. The Inquisition is--more organized, than that. I suppose there might be a request, to be transferred. I would not make it.
no subject
[Hurrying right along in the effort to put as much distance herself from being surprised by something so basic a would-be military organization splitting people up, she veers in a direction that could only be called 'rambling':] I might have been in the same position, you know. Where I come from. If you believe that sort of thing, I mean. Evidently it's a matter of some dispute.
[Wysteria wiggles her left hand for emphasis, the sickly green of the shard embedded there a mute pulsing glow.]
After my examinations, I would have been assigned to a position and had very little choice in the matter. Which would have been fine, of course. I wouldn't have joined the college if I hadn't been intrigued by the possibility. After all, there was always the slight hope that I might find myself doing something I found really very interesting. But I'm not sure I believe it. In retrospect, you know. It's far more likely that I'd have found myself down in Blackmarket Garden weaving encha--er-- uniforms? F-for the infantry abroad and so on. But I'm very handy with a [ugh, what a stupid substitute to have picked] needle and thread, so I suppose it could have been tolerated even if I don't care a whit for...
[She trails off, as if even she's grown tired of herself. And then all at once, as if something has occurred to her or she's been struck by something sharp, her scattered attention sharpens. Something in her becomes suddenly very direct, very purposeful.]
Is there something you would very much prefer to do? If you could pick anything at all? It doesn't matter if it has to do with the Inquisition or not.
no subject
Listening is much easier. There is little passivity about the way that Salvio goes about it--not in any sort of exaggerated way. a simple attentiveness. He is used to listening, and making notes while he does it. If there were a bit of parchment and some ink nearby, he might start in on it, despite the topic. Certainly his fingers twitch, and he takes up instead another piece of ham, which he inadvertently holds like a pen for a moment before he realizes and switches it--which distracts him, a little, from the peculiar hesitations that begin to pepper Wysteria's chatter, and it's not until he's thought that he should ask her to clarify how one weaves a uniform that he realizes she has faltered, which strikes him as unusual for her. In that trail off, he begins to gather himself, to prompt her with a yes or a what was it that you could have tolerated but not cared for, or similar polite inquiry--
Then she stabs at him with the next question instead and takes the wind from Salvio entirely.]
Oh--
[--A poor response that startles out of him. He puts the ham in his mouth.]
Um, [chewing, chewing, why did he put ham in his mouth, chewing,] that is, ah, I-- I suppose it would be. Assistant to the seneschal. Or--similar. That is what I know, so... that is what I would do.
[A little pause, but leaving any space to be filled in seems unwise, given how quickly Wysteria had moved to occupy the previous silence, so--]
And, um. Yourself? Poppell? Though, I suppose you must have, um-- chosen something else, if you did not... Well, if you were not assigned. To that position. Or had you not completed these--examinations, before you--
[He doesn't want her to wiggle her left hand at him again, but Salvio takes the risk and gives it a little nod. That.]
no subject
Oh, no. I'd only been studying for a very short while. It usually takes almost ten years before an examination is done, although I suspect that has more to do with the age of the average candidate than anything. There's no firm requirement for time. Mr Ralston - er, my teacher -, he could have booked my examinations at any point, I suppose. Though, it will be terrible to send along an apprentice too early and have them fumble their tests. But then again, holding them back is just as embarrassing - no one wants to have the same apprentice for fifteen years. It might say something poorly about the education you're providing, and so on. I can only assume it's a very delicate thing. Not that it matters now, but I was an unusually old apprentice.
[All of which gets absolutely nowhere near the real heart of the question to hand. Because-- Because...--
Anyway, the last piece of cheese has found it's way to her lips and she pauses here to nibble on it.]
But you know, [she says at last] I don't know what I would have picked, given the option. I hardly know what I'd pick to do now. --Not that I don't enjoy helping about, of course! And I do enjoy the little things the Provost assigns. And the Chantry Relations project has been very educational. And there is so very much to read and all of it is interesting and there are a great many things that I'm very curious about, but-- [She stuffs the rest of the cheese in her mouth, speaking from behind the shield of her hand.]
Well I think it's very nice that you know what you enjoy, Messere Pizzicagnolo. I imagine in a way that it must be a great comfort.
no subject
But again, he is listening, and trying to create for himself a picture of Poppell's world. Examinations, apprenticeships--they have pseudo-similar equivalents, in Salvio's world. He would have done anything both to never have his Harrowing and to have his Harrowing done with. Far preferable was the work to prove himself capable of his position with the seneschal.
In fact Salvio still there in his mind when she finishes speaking at last, and, somewhat thoughtful, he offers,] If it means sounder preparation, there should be no-- embarrassment, associated with age.
[Oh, wait, she's somewhat moved on, and he hurries to put himself through the rest of what she'd said.]
Well-- it is work that I enjoy, chiefly. The, um. Organization, the dependability. That is to say, if there were another position, that might offer that same--structure, and, all the rest of it--and if it were a suitable time, to be released from uh, from service-- [He shrugs, more of an upward slump to his shoulders.] There is little else that I might do, that would provide it. Fortunately. Or--um, perhaps that isn't the word. But similar.
The thought of the choice being open. It is-- terrifying, in its way. I feel that is not often understood. I would say that it-- [He hesitates, but why the fuck not, really; this night is all upside-down.] A personal opinion. And do not mistake--I mean, I do not often think of you, outside of the work of the Inquisition, so--do not read this as a, as any sort of, imposition, but--it does surprise me to hear that you share this thought.
[And having shared this personal opinion, Salvio puts another piece of cheese into his mouth, too. For protection. They have made quite good progress on the plate.]
no subject
Does it? Good lord, I can't imagine why.
[Indeed, so great is her bafflement that she doesn't even have anything long winded to follow with.]
no subject
[--Somewhat weakly. Now he has to go into detail. And it is difficult to remain firm on the point of 'I have thought of you only professionally', if details are required--even though it is true--
Salvio swallows. Gathers his courage.]
Well. Um. It was only within the context of, of your position, within the Inquisition. Um. And--presumptuous, even then, somewhat. But you do not seem, ever, to be--terrified. Or to second-guess. Your, presence, is quite self-assured.
Professionally.
no subject
Well, I'm very glad to hear it - particularly in a sense which is so strictly professional. But you know, I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case for lots of people. I expect that's part of why there is so much conversation about fair treatment and what's to be done after the war as if we've already won it, and even all this business with the Divine - I imagine a great many people are frightened and just good at pretending not to be. Or maybe simply don't realize that they are.
It seems - and you must excuse me for being ignorant; I've done all kinds of reading, but there's far too much - like a great many things are changing and everyone who knew what they were supposed to do or how they were meant to do it have suddenly found themselves flush with the need to make brand new decisions and so on. I imagine that would make anyone argumentative. Why, I can hardly choose what to wear in the morning without bickering with myself about it first!
[Wysteria, you're rambling. But how can she help it! It was a very fine compliment he'd given her.]
Which is all only to say that no one has any idea what they're doing, I don't think. So knowing what it feels like to feel ill-equipped seems... --hold on, I've come at this the wrong way around. What I mean is that anyone who with nerves is someone who has cared to think about things a bit. And that seems good, particularly in a person with a job to do.
[A pause. She squints first at the ceiling, and then at him.]
--Did any of that make sense whatsoever? It was meant to be encouraging.
no subject
But clothes aren't the true topic, only a distraction. It is the need to make brand new decisions that strikes in Salvio most particularly. He is still thinking of the terrifying truth at this when he realizes that Wysteria has wound up her response and is looking at him in a sort of thoughtful but calculating way that reminds Salvio altogether too much of Enchanter Guardiola, who he has not had cause to recall in years.
It is very disturbing.]
Wha, ah. Well. I would not-- Uh, I would not call you ignorant. Certainly. It is not particularly germane, to the rest of it, but--
[But it saves him from asking what he keeps spiraling back to, as he considers her eventual point, all that she has said. There is really nothing else but to ask it--]
Does it comfort you, to think that so many people are frightened but pretending not to be? That... I prefer to come to, uh, a situation. A problem. I prefer to come equipped. To say only that it is good to care, about something, to have nerves-- [Well. A ghost of a smile flicks across his face, self-deprecating but no less amused.] --I am nervous. That is true.
It does not... feel enough. In a time of change. As you have observed, rightly, we are in.
hope you like novels
[She starts, and then stops herself. It's a good question and warrants some real consideration rather than simply rattling off an answer. Think before you do things, Wysteria. You must measure your responses with logic and fact and education, not simply leap guided by intuition or feeling, says some voice who less and less sounds like anyone in Kalvad and more and more like-- well, someone else. Herself, maybe, though it's a difficult thing to recognize. She's never spent much time at all thinking at herself rather than simply talking out loud about it.
Eventually, her hands having at some point during her contemplation assumed the action of twisting the silver ring on her forefinger around and around, she says:]
Yes, I think I do. Find it a comfort. I can see why someone wouldn't - that the idea people like the Provost and Enchanter Amsel and all the leadership at Skyhold and maybe even whoever is picked to be Divine might be worried about their decisions the same as I am could just be horrible because, really, what do I know? But if they weren't just like that, - if they weren't frightened by anything, or if they were somehow more perfect or more suitable for their task than anyone else in the whole world... well, it would make something terrible happening to them that much more awful, wouldn't it? Because then they're very irreplaceable.
But I mean, the Herald died. And yet here we are with her, dealing with the rifts and fighting the war she would have probably led. And even Andraste was meant to just have been a person. And no, maybe it isn't good enough to just be nervous or to just know that everyone else is just as beside themselves as the person, er--, beside them. But I do think it's good to know that the bar - that is, that the standard of effectiveness and what any old person can do if they're very determined - isn't actually placed very far up at all. It makes trying seem useful. And I suppose it makes things like, I don't know, the battle at Ghislain going so terribly or even the poor Grand Cleric Agathe's death seem less devastating.
Not that-- [Wysteria hurries to add, growing very red in the face out of mortification] --not that it isn't terrible. It's very sad. And just awful for all kinds of reasons. Obviously. Uh. Here, [she pushes the plate to him] you should have the last piece of cheese.
love em thanks for asking
It does buy him another moment. Of course he could never hope to match Wysteria's conversation. She is like a dwarven wind-up toy in that respect, and her energy seems boundless--which is what has made it so remarkable when her words flag or slow in any way. If it were all written down, one might be able to make a study, to understand what it is that she says beneath all the rest of it. Not Salvio, probably. He is not good with that sort of analysis. But someone.
Once he has finished that bit of cheese, he can at last respond.]
I suppose-- There is a measure of truth in it, when... when it is put in such a way. Though the, um. The stories of the Herald have not carried much inspiration, for me, I am much-- much too myself, for that. But Andraste's, uh, personhood, has--is, or was, but it still is, in much--a comfort. That such a person might find the Maker's favor, so very--
Not that-- [Hurriedly, much like Wysteria, in that.] --I would not want such--such scrutiny, myself. Such divine scrutiny. Or any scrutiny, really, and I think that is much the problem of it, that-- to be so, um, elevated, so trusted, with this level of thought, and--responsibility--
[He gestures, helplessly. And at nothing, really, and rather like a drowning man trying to hail weakly for rescue.]
You have said that you have made a study, and read books of Thedas, and history. I was never particularly a student of history, but. A book of history is closed. It has happened. Never did I want to live in history. Or to be an interesting person. I think that I... often feel alone. In that feeling.
And I do not mean to, um. To separate you out, or call any attention, in particular, to-- well, but. I cannot imagine what it is to be a rifter and to find yourself within this-- [He grimaces, a little.] --well, this shit. A history that has only just begun to have something to do with you. Not of your will.
no subject
No, if there is a thing that bothers me then it's entirely in-- [Here, a pause. Then:] You know, I don't know that I'd even be able to explain it. In the things that should be the same but aren't. Is that normal, do you think? It must be.
[Tap-a, tap-a drum her fingers against the wood once or twice more before she forces herself to stop.]
Oh look. I see we've done our due diligence now. [She moves to collect the plate, empty now save for crumbs.] Thank you for all your assistance with it, Seneschal.
no subject
[Mention anything to Rutyer, but then she moves on--]
Um, entirely in the-- What was the, um. Uh, I wouldn't--
[Know if it is normal or not, because he doesn't quite know what she's asking him to confirm, and then there's the plate, as empty and blank-faced as one of the moons, if the moons were blank save for a light dusting of cheese crumbs. Salvio looks down it, in some bewilderment.]
Yes. You are... [so confusing] You are welcome, Poppell. Um. Though, I don't-- Well. Yes. Um, and-- thank, you. As well. In return.
no subject
But, should you actually need help - with the filing or the sorting or sifting through the the box of complaints to weed out the nonsense or any of that -, then you should know I'm surprisingly rather good at all that. It's practically all Mr Ralston had me do, you know. --Not that you would. Know. Since you don't know him or-- [Spirits, his conversational affliction is awfully contagious. She's been here too long.] Anyway. If you find yourself at loose ends and in need of a spare pair of hands or a plate of cheese, I'm certain I can rearrange my very busy schedule to provide either.
[Ha ha, isn't she just the picture of wit and charm.]
Is there anything else?
no subject
He blinks, somewhat bewildered by all the rest that she has to say. As usual.]
Oh, um. If you have experience. In... in filing. There is always, well, work, to be done. Particularly for the experienced. Um, I will-- Yes. Perhaps. Later. Uh, so, that is, no, nothing else, for the moment.
Only. Uh. [He swallows, hard, but manages to get out,] Th, uh, thank you.
[Okay, that's all. That's it. He flaps a hand in Wysteria's direction, without looking at her, more panicked than dismissive.]
no subject
[And what more is there to say really. So Wysteria gives him a last nod and then sweeps from the room. She leaves the door fully open behind her, only to double back a moment later--] Sorry, sorry. Good luck. You'll do spectacularly. Good bye! [--to pull it shut.]