Very good. Then you or the Scoutmaster may schedule for me whatever lessons you believe would be most valuable for the task of self-murder. I am available either early in the morning, or directly after the lunch hour.
Shall I inform Mister Stark that he's also to receive an education, or would you refer to broach the subject with him personally? Do you suppose you will incorporate these lessons into the obligatory Rifter curriculum, lest one of them somehow be underestimated? Or perhaps it should be like Monsieur Royan's etiquette lessons and the whole company ought to learn.
In what way am I being frivolous? Have I not agreed to lessons? Have I not gone to great efforts to illustrate your previous oversight and made some suggestion to avoid similat mistakes in the future?
Really, Lord Ambassador—What was it? That if you must insult me to be taken seriously then perhaps there is something wrong with your presentation to the world.
Oh yes. That must be why I spend so much of my day hard at work in Riftwatatch's name, laboring along in the Research division workshops and at the Seneschal's side or in the project offices, and being forever so agreeable to whatever work I am given despite being fully entitled to have never lifted a finger for this place. You have caught me, Ambassador.
[It's difficult to parse over crystal, but is there perhaps some venomous note steeling into the edge of all her false brightness and good cheer?]
Oh, or perhaps I am a spy. And have all this time been playing as silly and claiming to be from another place when really I have merely been an agent of the Imperium best by a rift anchor. After all, I have been here for so long. Is that not odd for a Rifter? Surely it is unlikely.
Oh, admit it. That you're only angry because you made a mistake and because of it now find yourself in the ignominious position of being treated in the exact same manner which you treat the entirety of the world and everyone else in it.
[And because he has asked so nicely, Wysteria does him the courtesy of exploding like the sun.]
You are angry because even now you believe I am little more than a senseless and petty child, only now you believe I am a senseless petty child who might be capable of wreaking real havoc in misery in her wake. And worse, you think! That I am choosing neither to treat the matter with the severity which you have suddenly decided it deserves or to be apologetic about the contents of a dream. Nevermind the fact that I have even now technically refused you nothing.
Well I am refusing this. I will not take responsibility for whatever fear a nightmare instilled in you last night as clearly I could never convince you of such a thing by my own merit. After all, you have apparently seen nothing meaningful enough about the work I have faithfully done here these past two and a half years while I have been bound to Riftwatch's service to independently warrant that fear much less outweigh it.
If you wish to be recieved with any measure of civility, Mister Rutyer, then you might begin by granting the same favor to those you view as so far beneath you that they don't even entertain or amuse. It is not my fault you have never treated with me with any respect, even when I made every effort to earn it! So you may continue to be angry. But know that it is because you have chosen to be it. Nothing I could say or do makes any difference whatsoever.
[ There are many, many things in there that are important. Everything in there is more important than what he chooses to respond to. Maybe it's just the fact that it comes at the end - maybe that's his excuse, that it's easier to respond to something at the end than at the beginning - because he really should be discussing the matters of the security of this world, and not his hurt feelings.
And yet, here he is, choking out an incredulous laugh. ]
Every effort to earn it? Miss Poppell, you never treated me with anything less than contempt. Disgust, even.
[Somewhere, that laugh is prodding a tender spot, easily and regularly bruised. Just because a shin is well acquainted with finding the edge of tables doesn't make it sting less.]
[ His voice, for once, is unvarnished. Unguarded. Blame the exhaustion, perhaps, or just the frustration of years. ]
I urge you not to mistake this and think that I care how you view me, for I do not - [ The hot strength of his voice gives easy lie to that - ] But you treated me from the first as a disreputable wretch indeed. As is your right to do, of course, a respectable lady such as yourself. But the fact that you now claim to have done otherwise is so absurd that it's nearly shocking. It's only once I became Ambassador that you began to rein in your contempt, and even then only grudgingly.
Oh that is just—just—[grasping for an appropriate word in her fury lands at—] Hogwash!
As if you had not first dismissed every apology, and disparaged or distrusted every attempt I had ever made at being a friend to you even before your appointment! As if the very respect I have endeavored to give your position despite your obvious disdain has not been rooted in the very advice you once gave me to be mindful of the weakness of my place as a Rifter.
I gave you apologies when I wronged you! And gifts for Satinalia, and attempted to tend you in Ghislain and brought you wine when you lay recovering from being stabbed at your wedding! I listened to you and to all the things you had to say about a strange place that I hardly knew and all the strange people in it because you pretended like you knew it all so well.
And the first time I escaped the Venatori—since the subject is so very important to you today—and had no friends at all happiest to see me returned unharmed, you were who I asked for advice. Only for you to treat me like an idiot whenever I acted with the assumption that there was anything sincere between us. I was [she is so incandescently angry and is a different person now than she was then and it doesn't matter] alone and lonely and trying to be well-liked and clever and you refused my friendship!
Maker, he feels like the ground has dropped out from under him. ]
You - You made a great show of displeasure when we were in that carriage together, like it was the greatest hardship you'd ever suffered to be trapped with me. And you looked at me like I was a pervert when I mentioned my past relationship - [ A relationship with a man, he feels too absurdly self-conscious to mention - ] And every instance of tending to me has been accompanied by you making sure that I know you're doing this only from duty. And any time I've tried to defend you or advocate for you, you make it clear I'm overstepping - [ Ugh. ] You are the one who has refused mine!
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Shall I inform Mister Stark that he's also to receive an education, or would you refer to broach the subject with him personally? Do you suppose you will incorporate these lessons into the obligatory Rifter curriculum, lest one of them somehow be underestimated? Or perhaps it should be like Monsieur Royan's etiquette lessons and the whole company ought to learn.
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Really, Lord Ambassador—What was it? That if you must insult me to be taken seriously then perhaps there is something wrong with your presentation to the world.
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Do you find the thought of abetting the enemy, and contributing to the downfall of the resistance against Corypheus, amusing and delightful?
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[It's difficult to parse over crystal, but is there perhaps some venomous note steeling into the edge of all her false brightness and good cheer?]
Oh, or perhaps I am a spy. And have all this time been playing as silly and claiming to be from another place when really I have merely been an agent of the Imperium best by a rift anchor. After all, I have been here for so long. Is that not odd for a Rifter? Surely it is unlikely.
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Don't be absurd. Spies need charm.
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Oh, admit it. That you're only angry because you made a mistake and because of it now find yourself in the ignominious position of being treated in the exact same manner which you treat the entirety of the world and everyone else in it.
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Maker's breath - you not understanding why I'm angry is precisely why I'm angry.
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You are angry because even now you believe I am little more than a senseless and petty child, only now you believe I am a senseless petty child who might be capable of wreaking real havoc in misery in her wake. And worse, you think! That I am choosing neither to treat the matter with the severity which you have suddenly decided it deserves or to be apologetic about the contents of a dream. Nevermind the fact that I have even now technically refused you nothing.
Well I am refusing this. I will not take responsibility for whatever fear a nightmare instilled in you last night as clearly I could never convince you of such a thing by my own merit. After all, you have apparently seen nothing meaningful enough about the work I have faithfully done here these past two and a half years while I have been bound to Riftwatch's service to independently warrant that fear much less outweigh it.
If you wish to be recieved with any measure of civility, Mister Rutyer, then you might begin by granting the same favor to those you view as so far beneath you that they don't even entertain or amuse. It is not my fault you have never treated with me with any respect, even when I made every effort to earn it! So you may continue to be angry. But know that it is because you have chosen to be it. Nothing I could say or do makes any difference whatsoever.
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And yet, here he is, choking out an incredulous laugh. ]
Every effort to earn it? Miss Poppell, you never treated me with anything less than contempt. Disgust, even.
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That is a terrible lie and you know it.
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[ His voice, for once, is unvarnished. Unguarded. Blame the exhaustion, perhaps, or just the frustration of years. ]
I urge you not to mistake this and think that I care how you view me, for I do not - [ The hot strength of his voice gives easy lie to that - ] But you treated me from the first as a disreputable wretch indeed. As is your right to do, of course, a respectable lady such as yourself. But the fact that you now claim to have done otherwise is so absurd that it's nearly shocking. It's only once I became Ambassador that you began to rein in your contempt, and even then only grudgingly.
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As if you had not first dismissed every apology, and disparaged or distrusted every attempt I had ever made at being a friend to you even before your appointment! As if the very respect I have endeavored to give your position despite your obvious disdain has not been rooted in the very advice you once gave me to be mindful of the weakness of my place as a Rifter.
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And the first time I escaped the Venatori—since the subject is so very important to you today—and had no friends at all happiest to see me returned unharmed, you were who I asked for advice. Only for you to treat me like an idiot whenever I acted with the assumption that there was anything sincere between us. I was [she is so incandescently angry and is a different person now than she was then and it doesn't matter] alone and lonely and trying to be well-liked and clever and you refused my friendship!
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Maker, he feels like the ground has dropped out from under him. ]
You - You made a great show of displeasure when we were in that carriage together, like it was the greatest hardship you'd ever suffered to be trapped with me. And you looked at me like I was a pervert when I mentioned my past relationship - [ A relationship with a man, he feels too absurdly self-conscious to mention - ] And every instance of tending to me has been accompanied by you making sure that I know you're doing this only from duty. And any time I've tried to defend you or advocate for you, you make it clear I'm overstepping - [ Ugh. ] You are the one who has refused mine!
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